|
Jacci Sutton
|
|
The Zen of Shit
(Responsibility in its simplest form)
Did you know that each of us is born with our own, personal,
magickal, wonderful, golden shovel? Yep, it's true! Ok,
maybe you can't see it, but I'm sure most of you have learned to
use it over the years. If you haven't found yours lately,
or if it has been irretrievably lost, then you're in trouble! I'd
lend you mine, but if I did that, I'd drown in my own shit! So I
guess you'll have to look hard and find your own again! Why?
Well, first you have to know how the shovel is supposed to
WORK!
Remember when you were a baby, . ok, that may be too long ago,
but you may have children of your own, or know someone who has an
infant, or a toddler. Look around, there seems to be a number of
these little people around now a days! You'll notice that
the mommies and daddies seem to feel that bowel movements are exceptionally
interesting phenomena! And when an infant fills a diaper,
mommies and daddies pay attention! They handle baby's shit
willingly, and sometimes gleefully, for it shows the baby is functioning!
(OK, sometimes it's not handled so gleefully.) Handling baby
shit is something parents do. But they know their main job
is to teach baby to handle his/her own shit, so that they can become
functional members of society, and "Toilet Training" begins!
When baby gets the idea, and moves from potty-chair to real porcelain
proclivity, there is celebration in the household! Clapping,
treats, and calls to grandparents may happen spontaneously, brought
about by the joy of the parents at this evidence of progress toward
maturity. You're learning to use your own shovel They
are PROUD of you! Now here's the shocker! That may be the
last time anyone is happy about the way you handle your own shit!
This can be a traumatic realization for some people.
Why is this so important for us to learn early in our lives?
What no one tells you is that you can drown in your own shit!
No, you can't drown in anyone else's shit; you can only drown
in your own! Let me explain by giving you some examples:
1. Shit
piles up. The average human being is about 5'8" tall.
An average bowel movement can be 2 to three inches in height
. do the math, how long before the pile becomes taller than a person?
Sixty-eight inches divided by two, gives you a little over
a month before you're in over your head. If you're operating
at maximum capacity, (divide by 3), you have a little over 3 weeks
before you're suffocating.
2. If
you use your shovel on a daily basis, you can easily handle a 2-3
inch pile. When you put off handling your stuff, it piles
up and can really bend that shovel, so it makes it harder to move
that pile.
3. Sometimes,
people use their shovel to push their shit onto someone else's pile
instead of digging their own latrine and handling their shit properly.
That may work for a little while, but sooner or later, the
other person drowns in his or her own shit, because the double load
has overworked them. Their shovel breaks, and then there is
no place to shove your shit anymore. Meanwhile, your own shovel
has rusted from improper handling, and it can't handle your shit
anymore! So now, YOU drown. Remember, it only takes
a few weeks for this phenomenon to occur.
4. Some
people think they have a bigger shovel than the rest of us. You
know the type. They are always butting into your "business",
and flashing their shovel around! They want to tell you when,
where, and how high to pile your shit, and they'll be glad to handle
it for you. OK, their shovel may be a bit bigger, but they
can't resist telling everyone! So even if they could handle
their own shit, and yours, they get carried away and soon, they
are trying to handle everyone's shit. It's impossible. Sooner
or later, their own shit sucks them under. There are limits,
you know. No matter how big your shovel, eventually it will
wear out from overuse! And then, the pile starts running back
down hill. Again, everyone drowns! Because their own
shit comes back in a roaring flood to inundate them!
5. When
you consistently handle your own shit, you can occasionally help
another who has become overwhelmed. Maybe they have a temporary
inability to handle a major problem, like an intestinal flu. You
know how that can increase the load! And maybe they're too
debilitated to wield their own shovel for a time. But this too shall
pass, and the thing is, you must encourage them to get their strength
back and resume their natural functions. Lending a helping
hand/shovel is a good thing. But keep in mind that the goal is for
each of us to be strong and healthy enough to do for ourselves.
6. Now
we all know those people who tend to use their shovel to push their
piles around, so that they don't look as high as they are. A
little here, a little there, but never really "taken care of
properly"! It's like walking through a bog. A little
tuft of dry grass here, and another over there, but pretty soon,
they have to jump higher, and longer, in order to stay on solid
ground. Eventually, the jump falls short, and yep, you guessed
it, they drown. But before that happens, many people try to
visit them, and be friendly, but they come away with mucky shoes,
and soiled pant legs, and eventually stop trying to cross the bog.
They have realized that they almost lost their own shovels
in trying to get to the person sitting on the tuffet! And
you know what happens when you lose your shovel!
7. The
procrastinating shovel! This one can drive everyone to drink,
but seldom do they cause others to drown. They like living
on the edge. They like seeing how high the pile can get before
it becomes life threatening. They can wield their shovels
with the best of them, but they put it off for as long as they can.
Most of the time, they play "catch up" pretty well,
but a simple miscalculation on the size of the pile, or the capacity
of their shovel can lead to near drowning, or full demise. We
all have a touch of the procrastinating shovel syndrome. Just
be aware of that, and make sure you don't get in "Over your
head"!
So that, my friends is the premise behind the Zen of Shit.
I could go on and give many examples of how this applies to
real life situations, but I think you can do that for yourselves.
All of us have had times in our lives when we've shoveled
for others, or had others shovel for us. All of us have been
proud, at times, that we've been able to keep pace with our piles.
And all of us have had times when we've found that someone
else has piled his or her shit on our pile, and we've had to work
doubly hard to handle his or hers before our own pile overwhelmed
us. So take care of your shovels!
Clean them after every use! Wipe them down with a bit of
oil to prevent rust. Don't lend them out! Sometimes
people forget to return things. When you have some spare time,
dig a few latrines for future use! Create a compost pile for
recycling! Plan for retirement when you may have to rent another
shovel, or hire someone to help you. And don't forget to seek
out the Shovel Consultants! (Bankers, lawyers, investment
brokers, doctors, psychologists, teachers . they've all learned
how to build bigger shovels, or bigger muscles to handle the shovels).
Take care of the basics, and May you live well and prosper.
BB. Owl. Aka Jacci Sutton
©2/1999
|
